The Possibility of Going Poly

Polyamory.

I have a lot of friends who have been very successful with it & I have heard less horror stories about it than I have about monogamous relationships. As far as I can tell if the people involved have their shit together it can & does work. True of anything I suppose but a polyamorous relationship requires a level of work & security that I feel many people do not posses let alone for all partners involved to do so. It also seems to be a very polarizing subject with people even in the kink community, at least in a personal sense that is. People are either wired that way or they are not but Minx & I have always been a little bit different.

When I met Minx I was just a week out of a relationship that taxed me pretty brutally. The only reason I agreed to go out on a date at all was how great our email communication had been & how cute her smile was (my number 1 thing in a women physically... seriously:) but if it hadn't worked out I really wouldn't have cared. (Then, not now obviously!!) The result? Honesty. I have never been more brutally honest on a first date in my life. I told her within the first hour:

"I don't think I can be with one women for the rest of my life"   

Who the fuck says that on a first date?! If I was the girl I would have felt like crap. I barley know this girl & I'm already telling her that she alone can not possibly meet all of my needs. That sucks. At least it would have if she didn't reply:

"I don't think I can be either" 

O_o

I hadn't been expecting that. Fucking jackpot! ;)

It wasn't long, maybe four months or so before we went to our first swingers party. Since then we have evolved into having a group of friends we play with regularly but it has never been anything more than a group of great friends fucking all night & that's been just fine by us.

Polyamory of course has entered the conversation in our time together, we have a few friends who are poly even a couple who has a wonderful relationship with another wonderful couple. We've talked to them, picked their brains & talked about it with each other time and agains. Our official stance was that our genitals were poly but our hearts were monogamous.

I wasn't willing to say never though, I've done way to many things that I would "never" do in my life to know better than to say that. I kept the possibility open, not only has my curiosity always been spiked by the idea of having that sort of relationship but more importantly there are things that I want that I just can't have with Minx, things that may require something more than just a fuck buddy. Minx's stance however seemed a little more adamant, though I knew deep down she was curious & if the right situation were to present itself she would rethink her position, vocally she was certain she could never do that nor would she ever want to share me in that way.

Imagine my surprise when she warmed up to the idea quickly over the last three or four months. Deep down I think I've known it was coming for a while now but it still seemed like it came out of the blue. Perhaps it was the timing that surprised me more than anything but I suddenly found myself the one in the relationship who was more resistant to the idea when I had been the one for years saying never say never.

My head started playing tricks on me: "Is it me? Is she sick of me? Bored even?" Our relationship is the type that none of those things could be true, so much so that people who know us know that's the case but for a few moments my brains programming kicked in & I wasn't exactly in a good place with it. Then I thought "Deep down I've wanted this for awhile too...." and that my desire to be with others or feelings about others have no bearing or affect on Minx & I, in fact it could make us better.

Still there is a difference between knowing something and knowing something, a difference from having knowledge that something is true & believing it to be true. My heart was afraid, she's my everything, the air that I breath, the cool water I drink on a hot day, my warm blanket on a cold night. Why then in my right mind would I share that with someone? I should lock her up & keep that all to myself just in case of the off chance that I would lose some or God forbid all of that. I was fine with her having sex with others, love watching it even, I love watching her be slutty & I've even loved watching her get gang-banged but as sexy as she is the true treasure that is my wife is her beautiful, kind soul. Everyone falls in love with her when they meet her & no one can deny the magnetic draw of warmth & kindness the beams out of her within moments of knowing her.

For lack of a better term I am one lucky son of a bitch. What kind of idiot would I be if I risked something that most people would kill to have?

The funny thing about fear is that it's almost always cemented in ignorance. As humans we generally fear what we don't understand & we assign words to those things like "wrong" & "weird" to protect ourselves from our fears, to place ourselves above them so we don't have to risk possibly of discovering some scary truth. Knowledge it seems is the enemy of our fears & the only thing that can set us free of them.

Opening up our hearts to the possibility of loving others as well as fucking them is a great unknown, filled with so many what ifs, possible speed bumps or heartbreak. Though I have enough knowledge of polyamory to assign words to it like "beautiful" when it comes to adding it to Minx & I's relationship I don't know what will happen & my brain got scarred.

Then I remembered what I know.

I know she loves me like I love her, at least pretty damn close because I don't think we'll ever agree on who loves the other one more. No one could ever love anyone like I love her. I know that she's my world & I know that I'm the same to her for whatever crazy reason. ;) I know that no matter how much I may love someone else it will always pale in comparison to the love I have for her & even if somehow, in someway I'm wrong about that, no love I feel will ever surpass what I feel for her nor could any love I have for another alter the love I have for her in anyway. I know exactly what she means to me & I know she feels the same about me & that is all I really need to know.


Still I do know some scary stuff. I know I will never be able to give her everything she needs & I know the reverse is true but I know that we love each other so much that we would never wish to deny the other anything. If we do end up going down this path I know there is going to be bumps along the way, I know I'll be jealous sometimes & I know she will be too. I know there will be tears at some point & if there is something I hate more than anything it's seeing her cry, especially if I'm involved in the reason behind the tears. But as scary as all that is I know nothing worth doing is ever easy & I know we're going to do it together & that's all I care about.

Most of all though what gives me peace of mind is that I know we talk & we talk everyday. Good, bad or indifferent we are always totally open and honest with each other. It's always been that way with us ever since our first date & my advice to anyone single is to be completely & totally honest with someone from day one. It sets a precedent & it has made Minx & I stronger than anything I could have ever imagined before I met her. Besides, if someone can't handle you your just wasting time anyways.

Last night Minx & I had a long talk about all of this. I don't remember if it was me or her who said this but we shared a sentiment about our relationship: "Who's stronger than us?" I hope that doesn't sound too pretentious but we really do have an amazing relationship. My parents have been successfully married for 34 years & they still can't talk to each other like Minx & I can. We have been together almost everyday since just a month & a half after meeting each other and it only took that long because of other considerations. We haven't spent more than two days apart since & even now we act like fools in love when leaving each other for a night. People are shocked sometimes to find out we have been with each other for almost 5 years, they think we are newlyweds or are still in the lovey-dovey phase of a new relationship. In short the honeymoon still hasn't ended & I don't think it ever will. Who's strong like we are? Who's to say really no one knows what really exists between two other people but we're still sick for each other & like her parents, after 33+ years I hope that never changes.

Yes I'm excited and yes I'm scared but I'm a lot less scared when I think about what I know and how strong I know we are together. For right now though this is just something we are discussing, we both have people we are interested in to varying degrees but that's it. We may wish to go there with those people or maybe not, maybe they won't want to go there with us & maybe they will. Right now it's still a hypothetical discussion, we are going to take our time, go slow & see where it leads who knows where we will end up.

All I care about is that it's together.

Kinky To-Do-List I: Domly Dom Stuff

So I had an idea: All us kinky people, predominantly us Dominants, come up with kinky/sadistic ideas all the time. Problem is if you're like me you forget many of those awesome twisted ideas. So why not write them down? So here is my plan, see that tab up top that says "Kinky To-Do-List"? Well it's exactly what it sounds like, it's a place for me to keep track of things I'd like to do, ideas I have, goals for myself, toys I want to buy, fantasies I want to make into a reality & maybe even some I don't. Think of it as an all encompassing BDSM Christmas list if you will!

Domly Dom Stuff:

I figured I'd start with the stuff my inner Dominant wants, it's my predominant role & it's easy for me to write about.

-Get better with rope: This has been on my list of things to do for years & slowly but surely I've been working on it. Still I'm ashamed to say I've made very little progress in the time I've had to do it, especially considering how many friends I have that are amazing with rope. I learn by doing so it's just something I have to break down & practice, practice, practice. Good news is the other day I attempted an easy tie on Minx but it was one I had never done before. Usually that sort of stuff makes me nervous but I was supremely confident in being able to do it & I nailed it. Usually when I'm learning new things I need to have an experience like that to really get motivated & I can feel the drive to move forward with it waking up so I maybe making some progress with this in the near future. I've waited long enough for this one, there isn't many things sexier to me than a tied up, helpless & exposed women.

Speaking of tied up & helpless: One of my favorite photos.

-Piercing & Cutting: I used to enjoy piercing. Problem was it's one of those things that wrecks me. Just the rush & the high from it totally knocks me out. It's because of that that I stopped doing it for a long while, so much so that I don't feel comfortable doing it again without a refresher course. I've already spoken to a friend who is amazing with needles but we haven't seen each other in a while so we haven't got around to it yet. Cutting is a bit different, I've never done it before but have wanted to for years. I once watched a cutting scene & to this day it's one of the very best I've ever seen. Just watching it gave me the rush of a needle scene! Plus it just seems like more my style. Have some friends that are quite good with it. Need to hit them up.

-Minx as my slave for the day: If this seems like a forgone conclusion it's not. Minx & I are not 24/7, nor is there much serious D/s between us besides how we just interact with each other in general. We have talked about doing this at some point but it's tough when you have a vanilla roommate who's also familly. Also both of our moods fluctuate greatly & this would require us being pretty damn in sync to pull off. Still it's not impossible, I think renting a hotel room for a day or two at something like the wonderful resort we just stayed at would be perfect for this. We'd have privacy, a new environment to get ourselves out of our daily headspace & it would require us to set a specific date. Of all the things on these lists I'll be writing this is near the top of it.

-Dehumanization/Objectification: Not so much a to do but it's something that I've discovered I love & I want to play with it more. I really putting a hood over Minx & using her. The one we have has a mouth opening as to not stop me from using her mouth too. There is something about taking someones identity away and using them as nothing more than a fuck hole that is wildly erotic to me & I really want to do it more, most likely in conjunction with things I'm going to write about later.

-Poker party: One of my biggest fantasies & one of my oldest. This a guys night, poker, cigars & even dressed up (ties & the like) but with a moderate to high protocol D/s twist. Think female submissives/slaves to serve us, suck us, get fucked by us, or fuck each other all for our enjoyment. We could even gamble the women & certain services. Have this image in my mind of one girl under the table taking turns blowing each guy while we play... preferably Minx, it turns me on incredibly when she's slutty & I love sharing her (more on this later) The challenge would be getting a group of people together to where everyone is willing to do these things with everyone else... could be hard. Also love the idea of having one girl tied to a bed & blindfolded in another room and have her be the prize for a hand or two. Leave her there alone for awhile (safety) & let the tension build up. Then when the winner starts using her she'll have no idea who it is.... I think you can imagine the rest.

-The Domly Dom Shopping list:

More Rope! See above.

Straight jacket. More specifically one like this. I L-O-V-E helpless girls in bondage (see rope stuff above) & I love boobs which this kind clearly shows off! It's a win-win. I've wanted one of these for ages & I want to make it happen soon. In fact I think it's what I want to ask Kinky-clause for Christmas this year! As a bottom years ago one of the most intense experiences I ever had was in a straight jacket. Getting to do something similar to someone has been on my to-do-list for a very long time now.

Muzzle. Not only do I love helpless women but I love them gagged too. Thing is Minx has TMJ & gags over any long period of time can be difficult for her to handle. I never use them with her, I know I can from time to time for a moderate amount of time but I've become a little gun shy about it because of her condition  The solution? One of these! Most preferably in conjunction with the above straight jacket!   

Inflatable dildo to begin stretching Minx for regular fisting activities. I've fisted her once & I've fisted someone else a couple of times now but thats about it.

A Dildo with a suction cup. I once saw a photo on tumblr (saved it somewhere) where they had a mirror, on the mirror hung a dildo held on by a built in suction cup. A guy was fucking the girl doggy style while she sucked the dildo. Fucking HOT! As I mentioned above I love when my wife is a slut & often fantasize about her sucking another cock while I fuck her. Plus you get the added bonus of the mind fuck as she watches herself suck a cock in the mirror & me getting to see it too. We even have the perfect mirror in our room to do it with. I need to make this happen!

Sort of like this! ...like the idea of one in her too.

Well thats it for now. I plan on doing a few of these over the next few weeks detailing my other wish list items with the goal of working on making them happen through the next year or so. Subjects include: Role Playing scenarios, sexual/group activities, Subby stuff & a post about things that may be better off left as fantasy. Hope you enjoy.   

but I thought this was a sex blog.....

Since I've written Minx & I have had some great experiences including but not limited to a wonderful threesome with Lady Isadora. I've wanted to write about them & have even started to but for the life of me I can't finish or post them.

Truth is surprisingly I'm shy about it.

For a person who loves to talk about sex, who loves to have it & gets turned on just by watching my wife be a slut you'd think this wouldn't be a problem but it is.

Truth be told I'm worried about being judged, I always have been. I've gotten better with it over the years, MUCH better but this is a tough one for me for some reason. Why should I be? Am I afraid that people will think I'm too kinky? Not enough? Or am just afraid or just don't want to share such a personal part of my life?

Honestly I don't know the answer but I'm going to try anyway. I usually make it a point to do the things that are hard for me to do. This is no different.  Got to work on sharing my personal smut!

.....Because you have to have goals in life.

Having Fun

As a Dom I'm a perfectionist. I obsess over everything being just right & worry that my bottom may have any part of the experience be a negative.

As a bottom my Dominant personality has really gotten in the way of me letting go for years & until very recently it was downright impossible. 

Somewhere along the line I forgot to have fun.

As a Dom I was so caught up in being perfect & with Minx I was trying so hard to have the D/s we strived for yet came to the conclusion that we we're not meant for. Playing became a chore, a pain in the ass.

As a bottom I had issues. I started as a bottom, then went Dom & suddenly was too uptight to bottom. Working through that has been the hardest thing I've had to to in my kinky life. For a long time I couldn't let go, my dumb ego kept getting in the way even though I knew it was dumb. One of the many things I had forgotten is that I was doing this for fun. It feels good, emotionally & physically to bottom. It's a tremendous release that I was just to uptight to experience.

Minx & I very recently have started playing with a wonderful play partner, Lady Isadora. She is for lack of a better term amazing. We have been talking for months now & when we first realized there was that kind of chemistry we talked a lot about me bottoming to her as I've needed a Domme play partner for awhile now. However one of the big things that made me comfortable sharing that side of me with her was that like me she has a bottom side that she's had some issues with.

This weekend the three of us are getting together & I'm topping both her & Minx.

As excited as I am to have two of the most beautiful women I know all to myself as always I've been my obsessive Dom self at times this week, especially because she hasn't bottomed in years. I know what a big deal that is, how hard it is to even find someone you trust in that way to even try. I couldn't be more honored & flattered that she wants me in that way but earlier in the week I had some nerves: I want to give her nothing short of an amazing experience. That's me, I always want to be the best, to be perfect. Especially for someone who is putting a tremendous amount of trust in me.

Fuck perfect

The biggest lesson I've had to learn since I've started to bottom again is to have fun. Fuck all the bullshit & have a good time, after all that's what this is all about right? Same goes for my Dominant side, I forgot to have fun with it, always too worried about every little detail, my mind always only half enjoying what's happening.

So this weekend I have one goal in mind: have fun! ....and use my two hot girls as my personal fuck toys, make them put on a live girl-on-girl porno for me & just generally mind fuck them into wonderland.

All of us need a reminder sometimes: have fun and the rest of it will all fall into place because the harder you try to make something happen the harder you will fail at it. It's my goal to keep that in my mind from now on whatever I'm doing, top or bottom. I don't want topping to be a chore anymore, I love it, why should it be? I don't want to get to uptight about bottoming again, it's an amazing release & it downright empowers the shit out of me. No more perfect, no more worries, no more stress, it's fun time!

Earlier I was texting with Minx:

Her: So excited for our weekend adventure!

Me: Anything special you want to do?

Her: I just want to have fun. 

Me: Me too, fun sounds fun

Her: Yeah it does.

.... yeah, it does.

Fifty Shades of Sox

Friend: "Hows your day?"

Me: "Good, Working on maybe starting up a kinky/sex blog."

Friend: "Really? Whats your angle?" 

.... Fuck, 10 minuets into this thing & I'm already fucking stumped!

Whats my angle? Honestly? I suppose I don't have one. I used to blog a lot on the likes of Live Journal with a group of friends & at times I miss it. I like being able to log in there and look back at what I wrote in years past, when I first met my wife & our early adventures together. My thoughts right before our wedding are wonderful to be able to look back on & even the times before we met when I was a much different person are a testament of just how much I've grown up. It's like a time capsule of me & I'm a little sad that I've had nothing like that over the past few years.

Since that time I had discovered Google Reader, Blogger & Wordpress mainly because of a now defunct hobby I used to have but as I looked around I started to discover sex/kink blogs. Didn't take me long to discover that there is a lot of crap out there but lucky for me the first one I discovered is still one of my favorites & it kept my eye open for more quality blogs of a similar style. 

That style? Human. If I wanted to read erotica I would, real life is much hotter than any bullshit story ever could be anyway. Furthermore it's the people that share their real "vanilla" lives along with the kinky stuff that make it interesting, the more real the people are the more interested I tend to be. Hopefully I can be real enough to draw your attention. 

So whats my angle? Besides being a man? (Seems like most sex bloggers are women) Not sure if I'll ever have one I suppose. If anything this blog is for me to be able to look back on & remember my thoughts from the here & now when I'm reading this as a (hopefully) older & wiser person. If anyone besides me is interested? Cool, it's nice to have you along!

So I suppose I should start with a little about me:

I'm a 32 year old male living in beautiful southern California with my amazing wife, my two awesome dogs & enjoying my time with some of the most amazing friends a person could ever ask for. I grew up in a small town in Massachusetts 40 miles outside of Boston until I moved here with my parents at the age of 12. Since I first discovered my sexuality I was kinky. The first time I masturbated I fantasized about a domestic service scenario. Considering what a sheltered childhood I had it's hard to imagine that I wasn't born this way.

Since I'm being lazy I'll elaborate on some important stuff with some bullet points, the rest I suppose you can figure out as we go!

Minx: I couldn't begin to tell you about myself without first telling you about my wife, Minx. You know those very rare, really old couples that are still madly in love with each other after 50something years together? That's us.... sans the old part for now. She's my air, my water, my everything. She's so fond of calling me her "North Star" or her "guiding light" but I don't think she knows just how much of a compass she is for me as well. Without her I'd be completely lost & I wouldn't have a reason to care that I was. I could go on & on but no words could ever express just how much she means to me, I think you get the point. ;)

Our Relationship: For ages we tried to have a serious Dominant/submissive relationship until we came to the conclusion for a few reasons that it just wasn't for us. With us it's a more casual thing, I'm still the Dominant partner in the bedroom & in the running of our everyday lives but it's subtle, we don't have any protocols or serious rules but a few small things we like. Maybe things will change someday but really I don't care, one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn & I'm still in the process of learning is that it's all about having fun together. To forget that has led us to some not so fun places.  

So you're kinky?: Not just yes but HELL YES. I'm a switch, I started off as a bottom in the lifestyle, then went all hardcore Dom & now I've come to rest somewhere in the middle after a few years of struggling to be okay with being on the bottom again. I'm predominantly Dominant but with special people I have a submissive side that I've grown to accept & love as a great part of me. Also we're both quite the hedonists, we get off on getting off.... "Top-heavy switch, sadomasochistic, hedonist" with more to be added per my discretion. Moving on...

Swingers? Open-Relationship? Poly? For lack of a better term we are indeed swingers though I've always had a hard time calling myself such as I don't like the negative connotation it carries. I suppose it carries a air of casualness with it that isn't often present with us. We usually do our fucking with a select group, sometimes it's with someone new or even someone we just met but for the most part it's with a small group of established people. Don't get me wrong, we're far from snobs & to be honest we're sluts and we love it! There is not much I love more than watching my wife be slutty, the sluttier the better! Hell I relish every second of it & for some strange reason it makes me love her even more. I think it's because she's MY slut! :)

Our relationship has always been open per se but having play partners with out the other around is a new thing for us that we are just now exploring. Maybe with everyone's permission you'll read a little about that later. 

As for being poly, we think it's beautiful but our hearts belong to each other & no one could ever change that. Could we love another someday? Possibly. At this point I've been wrong in life to many times to never say never but if love did develop in one or both of us for another I know for me at least I wouldn't be in love with them. I know one of the prime concepts of poly is that there is no limit to the love a person can give & I agree wholeheartedly but as much as I may feel for others they could never be my wife. I never believed in the concept of soul mates until I met her, now I know it's something real, even tangible. As I said at this point I've eaten enough crow to know how foolish it is to say the word never but if it happened that person would forever be a guest in her world & only ever there with her complete blessing.

ADD Yes I'm ADD. (ADHD) It's been both a blessing & a curse in my life and I continue to learn how to live my life using it as an advantage and not a curse. I've been receiving treatment for it going on almost 4 years now & that treatment has made immeasurable improvements in my life. Some days it is a curse & often times it does hinder me from doing things I want to do or finishing projects that I wish to finish. (If this is the only post here after a long while... yeah) Some days it does tear me up, the thought of just how much better I could be without it, wishing there was a way to cure it but there isn't. I wouldn't be me without it, so all I can do is take the good parts with the bad parts, work on what I can & learn to love the rest unconditionally. 

Sox? That's me! An old nickname that sprang up from my fanatical love of the Boston Red Sox & all things Boston sports. Actually I wish I could change it but I've just never come up with anything better, it represents an old me, something that I still love dearly with all of my heart but is no longer truly important to me like it once was.  

50 Shades? Ah Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm not going to go over the good, the bad & the ugly (not too much) of those books here but using the name in my blog title is not only accurate but also exploitative! (anything to get more hits baby!) For me to use the term Fifty Shades of Grey to describe something as beautiful, loving & as exciting as BDSM is doing it a horrible disservice. Grey is boring, sad & lonely. So maybe the character in the book is those things but BDSM is none of those things. BDSM is every color in the rainbow & some you've never heard of before. So is my wonderful wife & the life we share & yes so am I. I'm a complicated guy with a lot of different sides, learning to love myself has been very difficult & continues to do so. All of those things, BDSM, my wife & yes even myself are beautiful & multi-colored....

Fifty shades of everything but grey.

P.S. Perhaps I should have called the blog Fifty Shades of Long-winded. More later, thanks for reading!