Having Fun

As a Dom I'm a perfectionist. I obsess over everything being just right & worry that my bottom may have any part of the experience be a negative.

As a bottom my Dominant personality has really gotten in the way of me letting go for years & until very recently it was downright impossible. 

Somewhere along the line I forgot to have fun.

As a Dom I was so caught up in being perfect & with Minx I was trying so hard to have the D/s we strived for yet came to the conclusion that we we're not meant for. Playing became a chore, a pain in the ass.

As a bottom I had issues. I started as a bottom, then went Dom & suddenly was too uptight to bottom. Working through that has been the hardest thing I've had to to in my kinky life. For a long time I couldn't let go, my dumb ego kept getting in the way even though I knew it was dumb. One of the many things I had forgotten is that I was doing this for fun. It feels good, emotionally & physically to bottom. It's a tremendous release that I was just to uptight to experience.

Minx & I very recently have started playing with a wonderful play partner, Lady Isadora. She is for lack of a better term amazing. We have been talking for months now & when we first realized there was that kind of chemistry we talked a lot about me bottoming to her as I've needed a Domme play partner for awhile now. However one of the big things that made me comfortable sharing that side of me with her was that like me she has a bottom side that she's had some issues with.

This weekend the three of us are getting together & I'm topping both her & Minx.

As excited as I am to have two of the most beautiful women I know all to myself as always I've been my obsessive Dom self at times this week, especially because she hasn't bottomed in years. I know what a big deal that is, how hard it is to even find someone you trust in that way to even try. I couldn't be more honored & flattered that she wants me in that way but earlier in the week I had some nerves: I want to give her nothing short of an amazing experience. That's me, I always want to be the best, to be perfect. Especially for someone who is putting a tremendous amount of trust in me.

Fuck perfect

The biggest lesson I've had to learn since I've started to bottom again is to have fun. Fuck all the bullshit & have a good time, after all that's what this is all about right? Same goes for my Dominant side, I forgot to have fun with it, always too worried about every little detail, my mind always only half enjoying what's happening.

So this weekend I have one goal in mind: have fun! ....and use my two hot girls as my personal fuck toys, make them put on a live girl-on-girl porno for me & just generally mind fuck them into wonderland.

All of us need a reminder sometimes: have fun and the rest of it will all fall into place because the harder you try to make something happen the harder you will fail at it. It's my goal to keep that in my mind from now on whatever I'm doing, top or bottom. I don't want topping to be a chore anymore, I love it, why should it be? I don't want to get to uptight about bottoming again, it's an amazing release & it downright empowers the shit out of me. No more perfect, no more worries, no more stress, it's fun time!

Earlier I was texting with Minx:

Her: So excited for our weekend adventure!

Me: Anything special you want to do?

Her: I just want to have fun. 

Me: Me too, fun sounds fun

Her: Yeah it does.

.... yeah, it does.