What an amazing weekend. I have plenty to write about how things went this weekend for Minx & I & how much fun I had with my new Vegas play partner but I want to spend some more time processing things before talking about it but one of the highlights of this weekend has inspired me to write about something that is one of the most fun sexual things I’ve ever done & have been wanting to get out there for a long time now:
NURU LUBE!!!!!
I first heard about this stuff from one of my favorite blogs named The Beautiful Kind. The blogs owner Kendra Holliday is a wonderful writer & someone I consider to be a bit of a hero in the sex positive movement. (I can’t recommend her blog enough.) One day mid last year I read a blog of her’s entitled "Nuru Lube Fantasy Comes True" and holy shit did I get excited. I’ve been reading her blog long enough to realize that her raving about this stuff like she was meant it was something special & the photos of her & her partner using the stuff looked sexy but what really sold me was the video she posted of two people enjoying it. I bought some immediately & a few weeks later we tried it.
HOLY SHIT WAS IT FUN!!!!!
It was incredible! Just as fun as it looked & well deserving of the extremely high praises Ms. Holliday had given it.
I can’t stress this enough: Everyone should try it once!
Especially sex geeks, kinksters, sensualists, couples, swingers, poly people, hedonists, etc. If you're not a “let’s have sex missionary style with the lights off and only for procreation” type of person you need to experience this stuff at least once in your life.
I could go on and on about how good it feels or how fun it is but if you want to know more about those details check out Ms. Holliday's blog post. (If not for the info for the hotness!) No what I want to share with you is my experience. See I’ve done it three times now & every time has been great but the first few times there were some mistakes. This weekend my new play partner & I did it and it came out just perfect so here is how we did it & some things I’ve found that work really well over the other two times.
How to Have an Amazing Nuru Massage Experience:
Now before I freak you out with all kinds of instructions know that this is very easy to do & fun but paying attention to the little details can take it from a great experience to an amazing one! So here is what you need to get it done & need to do to make it the best experience possible:
Ingredients:
-17 oz bottle of Nuru Gel, If it looks a bit pricey but you won’t think that once you've given this stuff a try. You need about 17oz per 2 -3 people. It may not look like much but trust me a little bit of this stuff goes a long way & I've never ran out with 2 people & it was just enough for 3. Also you're going to want to do this again, probably not long after your first go so getting twice as much for a lot less per ounce in the 34 oz bottle is easily be worth splurging for.
-Blowup Mattress
-Vinyl Waterproof mattress cover, Optional but it makes cleanup much easier & they are cheap.
-Bowl
-Measuring cup
-Towels, Which you may not need.
-Water
-2+ Sexy people
Step 1, Prep the Space:
Figure out a good location for where you want to put the blow up mattress. If you have a fireplace I can't recommend doing this nearby it enough because warmth is going to be the number one thing you're going to want to focus on here. The room should be somewhere in the neighborhood of 75-80 degrees. Anything else is going to be way too cold & trust me that sucks, you're going to be wet & naked a lot.
Get your mattress blown up, if you splurged for the waterproof mattress cover (& I hope you did) get that on it now as well. Finally get some towels & lay them nearby, you may want to lay some around the mattress but honestly this stuff is nowhere near as messy as it looks & it almost cleans itself up so you probably won't need them.
Get the mood lighting like you prefer & maybe throw on some sexy music. Also you probably won't need any but if you want any toys to play with get them now & place them close by, once you start your not going to want to get up. (insertables can be fun!) After that your space should be ready.
Step 2, Prep the Lube:
Before I get to mixing the lube with water I want to share little trick I read online earlier today. Before you start prepping your space get a bowl filled with warm water & stick the bottle containing the lube into the warm water filled bowl. Do not stick the lube in the water! Just the bottle with the lube in it. This will allow the lube to warm up which again is a really good thing.
Once you have your space set up it’s time to mix up the lube. Get your bowl, the lube & your measuring cup. & dump the lube into the bowl. Next with your measuring cup pour in a ½ a cup of warm water into the bowl per every 17oz of lube you are using & give it a quick stir with your hand. DO NOT use more than a 1/2 a cup per every 17oz as the lube will start to lose its slipperiness & break down faster than it should. If for some reason you don't have a measuring cup handy & have to guess put very little water in. A 1/2 a cup is probably a lot less than you think it is & you don't want to ruin your slippery investment & end your fun before it begins. Also remember that by now you maybe thinking that you don't have enough lube as you look at how much is in the bowl. Trust me when I say its enough, it goes far. (Again 17oz per 2 people, 3 max)
Your lube is now ready! Stick it by the mattress & get ready to have some fun, we're almost there!
“If I can trust you to slap my balls you can trust me to mix the lube properly”
Step 3, Get Wet!!
No not like that sickos, not yet anyway. The next step is to take a warm bath or shower together but when you’re done whatever you do do not dry off! Hop out of the shower & hurry over to the mattress, it’s time to get slippery!
Step 4, Get Lubed
One of you should lay down on the mattress while the other dips their hands into the lube & lets it pour onto their partner then start rubbing it on & rubbing against each other. After that experiment & do whatever comes naturally but whatever it is you're going to have an erotic slippery time!
Remember this stuff is 98% natural & 100% safe, odorless & tasteless. Which means you can suck & fuck each other to your hearts content! Just be careful not to slip off the mattress! This is probably the slipperiest stuff you’ve ever encountered so be careful
Step 5, Clean Up
Now your thinking “Here is the catch”. Well guess what? Nope. Clean up is really easy. When your done just hop back in the shower. The water will bring some of the slipperiness back but just add a little soap and BAM! Lubes gone. As for the mattress it’s as simple as pulling the cover off and either tossing it in the washing machine or just tossing it period. If you didn’t use the cover you should probably wait till the lube dries out a little then take it outside & hose it down with some soap but for $10 or less you can get the cover & not have to deal with all that work! As for getting any off the floor? Well the three times I’ve done it I’ve been prepared to clean a big mess & have never had to clean a drop up!
Other Thoughts:
This stuff is probably the best lube I've ever used for insertions, particularly fisting. If you're a fisting aficionado you have to try it. As long as this stuff keeps moving it stays slippery so once there is enough you have to add very little if any. Two out of the three times I've done this have ended up involving me fisting a partner! Hell there were even 4 fingers in my ass the other night without me breaking a sweat!
So there it is! My little guide to having a great time with Nuru Lube! I can't stress this enough: Everyone should try it! It’s romantic, sexy, fun, erotic, etc. Have fun & be safe everyone!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
No More Boxes
When I started in the lifestyle I identified as a submissive. Although I was always curious about both roles when I first got involved this child of a 50’s like upbringing was overwhelmed by the experiences I was having & taking the submissive role fit well. There was always time to explore the other side later when I was more comfortable in my own skin.
Fast forward a few years down the line & that time came when on January 5th 2008 I had what at the time I could only describe as a “religious experience”. I was in San Francisco to meet a Domme I had met online but when she started to take me as it were I reached up, pulled the blindfold off my face & said:
“I can’t do this”
“Why not?” she asked
“Because I’m a Dom.”
To my surprise her next words were “I know”
Supposedly she had seen it & it’s not a wonder why. For months I had been changing & my last relationship with a wonderful person which had gone south for few reasons was greatly impacted by the fact that I just wasn't submissive to her anymore.
That day it all clicked & I tapped into a part of myself, a powerful part of myself, that I had never known existed and I used that power well. I was a late bloomer, a man-child as it were but within a month I was living on my own & making major changes to my lifestyle including diet & exercise which lost me close to 50 lbs in just over 5 months. I decided, demanded even that 2008 would be the best year of my life & it was even before I met & fell in love with my wife, I felt unstoppable.
Of course the rug quickly got pulled out from under me.
I can’t remember when it happened or how, maybe I saw a picture that turned me on or I was reminiscing about past experiences but I had a fantasy & I was the submissive in it. It scared me, I feared that I was going to lose what I had gained & scared that my new love would leave me based on her own insecurities she had voiced to me. I was terrified of what it implied & all I could do was live in denial of my desires even as they slowly became more common.
Over the next few years my insecurities only got worse & I slowly lost touch with what I had tapped into in myself. I knew my fears were moronic & baseless but as I said in my last post there is a difference between knowing something & knowing something & it’s a lesson I learned the hard way during this time.
Now-a-days things are different. Over the last two years I’ve slowly started to come around & relax about it, I’ve been able to talk to Minx about it more easily & bottomed occasionally here and there. I even changed my FetLife to read “switch” & left it that way, silly as it seems that was a big step for me. I even began to refer to my insecurities in the past tense & a lot of them are but not all. They still linger, they still flare up now and again & no matter how much I work at it I feel like two sides & sets of desires that are at odds with each other.
It became more clear to me when I came to understand from just where in my psyche my submissive side comes from: it’s truly the exact opposite of my Dominant side. Suddenly it made sense why both sides of me were at war with each other & why they had trouble co-existing with each other. This understanding helped me make peace with myself but this peace wasn’t a reconciliation just an understanding between two sides of myself that let me explore both sides independently of each other. It helped a great deal but both parts of me were still wrapped up in their own little boxes, compartmentalized away from each other.
Last night I realized this just won't do either.
I've long known that putting too much weight on labels is a mistake. They box us in, stop us from exploring things we might otherwise. Words like Dom(me), sub, Top, bottom, switch, etc. have definitions that are far too narrow to encompass any humans sexuality including my own. Assigning inflexible labels to ourselves can stop us from experiencing things that we might otherwise like to and limits the type of relationships we can enjoy with others.
One of the very reasons my submissiveness came roaring back is because of regret. Regret of things that I did not get to do the first time, experiences that I wanted to have that never did. If I died today I'd have a lot of regret because of it, a whole aspect of myself left unexplored. For someone who is obsessed with self knowledge this is a horrible fate to contemplate.
"Fuck that" I thought to myself last night.
Life is nothing but a series of experiences & relationships. To limit what you're willing to experience is to invite regret into your life and to me there is nothing more tragic. To assign an inflexible label to yourself prevents you from being open to certain types of relationships that you otherwise might enjoy. To put yourself in a box that closes you off from good things that may come into your life seems like such a horrible waste.
I'm done.
I'm exhausted from dealing with silly insecurities. I'm through with even thinking about labels, labels that I know do nothing but limit me in enjoying my life. It's time for me to practice what I preach, to just let go & be me, to let myself enjoy whatever comes along no matter what.
No more boxes.
This weekend my wife and I are taking a major step in our lives together. This weekend for the first time we are playing with other people separately from each other. She's staying local and playing with a new friend and I'm going to Las Vegas to play with a wonderful Domme who I've gotten to know quite well over the past few years. To tell you the truth along with my excitement I've been scared shitless for the obvious reasons and others many of them once again wrapped up in my stupid fears. Fears that I'm not letting control me anymore. I've still got work to do but no more boxes, no more denying myself things that I may enjoy, no more putting restrictions on relationships that may develop naturally over time.
What will my relationship be with this new Domme? Up until now I've only ever allowed for the possibility of us being play partners and nothing more. How boring. What if we have an incredible connection & I want to be her sub? To be collared by her? To be her slave if we want that even? Sure that last one is incredibly far fetched for me to see as realistic, I don't have a slave’s heart but am I going to close the door on that possibility before I even get to know her or myself better? Why? Because of fear?
Fuck that noise.
With this new mindset I'm even more excited about this than I thought possible. What'll happen? Who will I be in 5 years because of it? Probably someone very different than I am now or maybe not at all different but its funny to think that its almost 5 years to the day when I was in San Francisco & "went Dom". Now I know I was just a stupid boy who thought he had it all figured out.
Now?
Well now I realize I don't have any of it figured out and that makes life a lot more free & exciting. Which is a hell of a lot better than being stuck in some stupid box.
Fast forward a few years down the line & that time came when on January 5th 2008 I had what at the time I could only describe as a “religious experience”. I was in San Francisco to meet a Domme I had met online but when she started to take me as it were I reached up, pulled the blindfold off my face & said:
“I can’t do this”
“Why not?” she asked
“Because I’m a Dom.”
To my surprise her next words were “I know”
Supposedly she had seen it & it’s not a wonder why. For months I had been changing & my last relationship with a wonderful person which had gone south for few reasons was greatly impacted by the fact that I just wasn't submissive to her anymore.
That day it all clicked & I tapped into a part of myself, a powerful part of myself, that I had never known existed and I used that power well. I was a late bloomer, a man-child as it were but within a month I was living on my own & making major changes to my lifestyle including diet & exercise which lost me close to 50 lbs in just over 5 months. I decided, demanded even that 2008 would be the best year of my life & it was even before I met & fell in love with my wife, I felt unstoppable.
Of course the rug quickly got pulled out from under me.
I can’t remember when it happened or how, maybe I saw a picture that turned me on or I was reminiscing about past experiences but I had a fantasy & I was the submissive in it. It scared me, I feared that I was going to lose what I had gained & scared that my new love would leave me based on her own insecurities she had voiced to me. I was terrified of what it implied & all I could do was live in denial of my desires even as they slowly became more common.
Over the next few years my insecurities only got worse & I slowly lost touch with what I had tapped into in myself. I knew my fears were moronic & baseless but as I said in my last post there is a difference between knowing something & knowing something & it’s a lesson I learned the hard way during this time.
Now-a-days things are different. Over the last two years I’ve slowly started to come around & relax about it, I’ve been able to talk to Minx about it more easily & bottomed occasionally here and there. I even changed my FetLife to read “switch” & left it that way, silly as it seems that was a big step for me. I even began to refer to my insecurities in the past tense & a lot of them are but not all. They still linger, they still flare up now and again & no matter how much I work at it I feel like two sides & sets of desires that are at odds with each other.
It became more clear to me when I came to understand from just where in my psyche my submissive side comes from: it’s truly the exact opposite of my Dominant side. Suddenly it made sense why both sides of me were at war with each other & why they had trouble co-existing with each other. This understanding helped me make peace with myself but this peace wasn’t a reconciliation just an understanding between two sides of myself that let me explore both sides independently of each other. It helped a great deal but both parts of me were still wrapped up in their own little boxes, compartmentalized away from each other.
Last night I realized this just won't do either.
I've long known that putting too much weight on labels is a mistake. They box us in, stop us from exploring things we might otherwise. Words like Dom(me), sub, Top, bottom, switch, etc. have definitions that are far too narrow to encompass any humans sexuality including my own. Assigning inflexible labels to ourselves can stop us from experiencing things that we might otherwise like to and limits the type of relationships we can enjoy with others.
One of the very reasons my submissiveness came roaring back is because of regret. Regret of things that I did not get to do the first time, experiences that I wanted to have that never did. If I died today I'd have a lot of regret because of it, a whole aspect of myself left unexplored. For someone who is obsessed with self knowledge this is a horrible fate to contemplate.
"Fuck that" I thought to myself last night.
Life is nothing but a series of experiences & relationships. To limit what you're willing to experience is to invite regret into your life and to me there is nothing more tragic. To assign an inflexible label to yourself prevents you from being open to certain types of relationships that you otherwise might enjoy. To put yourself in a box that closes you off from good things that may come into your life seems like such a horrible waste.
I'm done.
I'm exhausted from dealing with silly insecurities. I'm through with even thinking about labels, labels that I know do nothing but limit me in enjoying my life. It's time for me to practice what I preach, to just let go & be me, to let myself enjoy whatever comes along no matter what.
No more boxes.
 |
| "I don't fits so good in this." |
This weekend my wife and I are taking a major step in our lives together. This weekend for the first time we are playing with other people separately from each other. She's staying local and playing with a new friend and I'm going to Las Vegas to play with a wonderful Domme who I've gotten to know quite well over the past few years. To tell you the truth along with my excitement I've been scared shitless for the obvious reasons and others many of them once again wrapped up in my stupid fears. Fears that I'm not letting control me anymore. I've still got work to do but no more boxes, no more denying myself things that I may enjoy, no more putting restrictions on relationships that may develop naturally over time.
What will my relationship be with this new Domme? Up until now I've only ever allowed for the possibility of us being play partners and nothing more. How boring. What if we have an incredible connection & I want to be her sub? To be collared by her? To be her slave if we want that even? Sure that last one is incredibly far fetched for me to see as realistic, I don't have a slave’s heart but am I going to close the door on that possibility before I even get to know her or myself better? Why? Because of fear?
Fuck that noise.
With this new mindset I'm even more excited about this than I thought possible. What'll happen? Who will I be in 5 years because of it? Probably someone very different than I am now or maybe not at all different but its funny to think that its almost 5 years to the day when I was in San Francisco & "went Dom". Now I know I was just a stupid boy who thought he had it all figured out.
Now?
Well now I realize I don't have any of it figured out and that makes life a lot more free & exciting. Which is a hell of a lot better than being stuck in some stupid box.
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